Although the emotions that mark the beginning of their marriage may fade to some degree, a real and indestructible bond remains between spouses.  An understanding of this bond is at the heart of the Church’s teaching on the permanence of marriage.  This teaching is not meant to be a burdensome restriction, but a beautiful truth about the unique and endless wonder of the love between spouses.  By knowing and living this truth, spouses support and live out human loyalty, trust, and undying love.

"Love is strong as death, jealousy is cruel as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned.” Those are the words of the Song of Songs (8:6-7) in the Old Testament (CCC, n. 1611). Love is meant to last. That is an essential part of its dynamism. Love is meant to be faithful, permanent, complete—that is not something forced on love from outside. All the more painful, then, is the loss of love, the wounding of love.

According to Sacred Scripture, this profound "inclination to permanence" reflects the Creator's will for mankind. "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Gen 2:24). "The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the plan of the Creator had been 'in the beginning': 'So they are no longer two, but one flesh' (Mt 19:6)" (CCC, n. 1605).

"What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder" (Mt 19:6). These words of our Lord remind us that love is indeed meant to be permanent, but it is not permanent of itself. Love is endangered from within and from without. It can fade away, become a cold indifference, even turn into hatred. Nowadays, when this happens, we are inclined simply to "write the death certificate" of love. It just "died prematurely". But what we fail to see is that marriage has created a new reality, which continues to exist and survives even the dying off of emotions. Through the mutual Yes of matrimonial consent (CCC, n. 1625), the "bond of marriage" has come into existence and unites the two spouses permanently. "[T]he marriage bond has been established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant guaranteed by God's fidelity" (CCC, n. 1640). Neither society nor the Church nor the couple concerned has the power to dissolve this bond (CCC, n. 1644).

In the realities of life this "Yes forever" often appears to be an excessive demand, an unlivable commandment. It is not for nothing that the disciples of Jesus are shocked by his words (cf. Mt 19:10). More and more frequently today relationships break down, even those regarded as exemplary. Single persons are increasing in number (CCC, n. 1658), as are single parents. It is as if we were finding it harder to put up with one another. But how are we supposed to learn trust in human loyalty, if not first of all through being able to trust the "I will" of marriage once it has been given? "Spouses who with God's grace give this witness, often in very difficult conditions, deserve the gratitude and support of the ecclesial community" (CCC, n. 1648). They provide great support and encouragement.

Copyright © 2000 Ignatius Press, San Francisco

Christoph Cardinal Schönborn, Archbishop of Vienna, Austria, is a Dominican priest who, in addition to editing the Catechism of the Catholic Church, is the author of numerous books including Loving the Church and Introduction to the Catechism of the Catholic Church.